Heaux Tales and Lori Harvey
By no means am I calling Lori Harvey a hoe. But I feel like the conversation surrounding both Jazmine Sullivan’s latest project Heaux Tales and Lori Harvey’s undisputed dating roster comes from a similar place. Black women celebrating autonomy over their own bodies.
I’ll start with Lori Harvey if you’ve somehow been under a rock. The internet was set ablaze by Lori Harvey showing off one of Hollywood’s most revered bachelor’s in Michael B. Jordan on her socials. Cozy pictures of the two started to circulate and a flurry of tweets ensued. Either people annoyed that we care so much or women standing in solidarity with Harvey who seems to do what she wants. All the while, it doesn’t make her less desirable to the men who proudly post her on their social media accounts. Black women have often been told that would not be the result of their dating freedom.
On the other end of the internet, men and women alike are discussing the various tales captured in the flawless vocals of R&B powerhouse Jazmine Sullivan. It’s been five years since the release of her last album “Reality Show” and the public is eating up her new effort Heaux Tales. In it, her songs explore the bad decisions, the intentional ones, the currency of sex, and much more. It’s raw, it’s explicit, and it’s real as hell.
The reality here is, whether you actually identify with the adventurous dating escapades of Lori Harvey or the pursuit of luxury in exchange for sex displayed in Jazmine’s dynamic storytelling, you can somehow feel seen as a Black woman.
So much of it is rooted in the longing to feel desired. To be revered. Cared for. Concepts that are often foreign in conversation about Black women. We all know what Malcolm’s thoughts were on how society relates to us. HIs prognosis, bleak.
When Black women see Lori Harvey, they feel like something is possible that they don’t often see. Autonomy and freedom without tarnish to their character.
Personally, I’ve had an extremely modest dating life. So when I see someone like Lori Harvey taking full advantage of being young and free, I cheer for it. I think more Black women need to feel empowered to be free. To date around without the scarlet letter of being a hoe.
From the time most Black women are barely sprouting breasts, we are often curtailed from any connection with sex and sexuality purely for the sake of pleasure. On my podcast EightyTwo NinetySix, we discussed growing up in Black households where our clothes were always purchased larger than our size. Having discussions about how to carry yourself and respectability politics. “Men like good girls,” and the church preached abstinence until marriage.
I distinctly remember an administrator in high school having a discussion with a couple of us about the dress code and the appropriate length of shorts. The subtlety alluded to the fact that this clearly was a bigger issue for Black girls vs. our white counterparts based on how young Black girls are shaped. This adult figure was essentially saying, what’s appropriate for them is not appropriate for you because of the nature of things you can’t control. I.E. Black girls got back.
Having a connection to your own pleasure and sex seemed reserved for everyone else except Black women and in this here 2021, Black women are snatching that back. And the reaction to that is telling of society’s misconception that they somehow have a say in how Black women decide to show up in the world surrounding their bodies.
On Jazmine’s album there’s literally something for everyone. Whether you are the woman who woke up somewhere she didn’t recognize, one in search of achieving a lifestyle based on your looks, or the good girl that resents those that are living their best life and sexually free. When we are honest with ourselves, we’ve mulled over these ideas at one point or another.
But at the crux of all these discussions is what does sexual freedom and self-acceptance look like for Black women?
Well, we get to choose. Outside of what our Momma’s said and that Uncle that was no good anyway and that boyfriend who never really appreciated our value. Our bodies belong to us (and for some of us, us and God, but that’s for another day). For this purpose, they belong to us and not anyone else.
Just because you may not like the approach doesn’t mean it’s not valid. We all get to choose how we’d like to show up in the world and someone who decided differently than we do is not automatically bad. I, myself, cackled at the older women on Jazmine’s album talking about married women tricking. LOL. That couldn’t be farther from what I believe. But when we make room for one another without judgment, we can become the first line of defense for one another against a world that at every turn attempts to take away our choices. That attacks our self-worth and tries to diminish our power.
Unfortunately, as Black women, we are all we got. We have got to love on one another, respect each other’s differences, and a gentle place to land.
Whether you have heaux tales or conservative tales, I’m sure there’s a lot we can learn if we’re unafraid to share our stories and to show up in the world as our most honest selves.
